


NATO

by 00qverlord, greendayfan101



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Bad Puns, Ceiling Vent Clint Barton, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Multi, Multiple/Other Winter Soldiers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Super Soldier Serum, Toast, Toast puns, Winter Soldier Trial, Winter Soldiers, more to be added - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 17:39:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9335459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00qverlord/pseuds/00qverlord, https://archiveofourown.org/users/greendayfan101/pseuds/greendayfan101
Summary: A series of Avengers one-shots.All the individual fics are rated in the notes before the chapter.Have fun!





	

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is rated General, no pairings.  
> This started with a friend of mine in History class, we were discussing the real NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Organization) and we came up with New Avengers Toast Office instead. Me and another friend (greendayfan101) kind of took it and ran. This was actually a lot longer than I planned. I regret nothing.

There was a spare room on the 17th floor of avengers tower. The communal floor was the floor that the visitors where basically confined to, and the place where Bruce threw popcorn at the tv in the lounge when no one else was around, and he put on a shitty movie. Lucky enjoyed those moments, when he got to feast on the leftovers Bruce couldn't be bothered to pick up. Really, Bruce would have stopped throwing popcorn long ago, and even though Clint usually remembered to feed Lucky, he knew Lucky enjoyed popcorn, almost as much as pizza.   
The spare room had nothing in it, it was as bare as the north pole, but not nearly as cold. They used it to store food in it sometimes, but that food was quickly snatched up by someone. The rest of the avengers thought it was Clint, or maybe Tony, but Bruce knew the truth, it was Natasha. She was the one who stole all the teddy grahams.   
The day that Steve bought a toaster was the downfall of the Avengers status living as people in a peaceful society. He brought it in, in the plain cardboard box, and Bruce legitimately had no clue what it was. The side with the picture wasn't facing him as he was coming up the stairs from Tony's workshop. Only when he saw it hours later to grab a snack, did he notice the sleek silver toaster, that had yet to be plugged in. They admittedly already had a toaster, but that one was old and on the verge of giving someone an electric shock with or without a fork. Bruce thought Steve had every intention of moving it to the kitchen, but it just never seemed to get there.   
And then Clint had to go and plug the toaster in. It was on one of the long, wall-length countertops, with safe outlets and no sink to be found near it. He was passing by the room on his way to the kitchen for his own morning coffee, when he heard the telltale popping. The paused outside the room, then turned to open the door, to find clint getting up from a flimsy plastic chair to collect his reapings, the toast a nice shade of crispy brown. He picked up his toast, juggling it in his hands, the heat almost not seeming to bother him, and only when he walked right passed Bruce with only a quick hey, did Bruce see the arrow sticking out the the back of Clint's pants, arrow head pointed up and fletching going below the waistline. Bruce shrugged and followed the blond to the kitchen, where he did Clint the favour of making him two cups of coffee in ratio to Bruce's one. Clint dropped his toast onto the counter, and went to the cupboard to pull out the Nutella.   
"Why no plate?" Bruce said, after a mouth-full of coffee, sending a wake-up shock to his system.  
"No plate, no dishes to clean." Clint replied, half distractedly as he pulled out the half-empty jar of Nutella. Bruce was honestly surprised, he thought it would be gone by now. Unbeknownst to most, it was actually Steve who hoarded Nutella like it was the end of the world. It was probably one of his favourite things about the future, but he would only admit it on his dying day that he had spare jars of it stored in his closet. Clint pulled out a knife from the drawer, dipped it into the Nutella, and proceeded to drown his toast to the point where it was more sorta-chocolate than bread itself.   
Thor was the next one to use the toaster, and Bruce was there for that too. He came running, because when the toaster popped, he yelled so loud the rest of the Avengers came running, fearing a break it, but there was Thor in all his morning glory, ready to wail on the toaster with Mjolnir like a startled deer. Tony talked him down, but Thor stayed away from the toaster for the next couple weeks.   
Eventually everyone got around to using the toaster, but it was almost sacred to Tony and Clint. Tony had toast before and after long bouts in the workshop, claiming the toast from that specific toaster gave him "extra sustainability", which they all knew was a load of bullshit, but they let Tony have his fun.   
Clint started to have toast every morning, with either nutella or strawberry jam, sometimes even both. Regardless of whatever else he was having the toast would be there as well. He could be having steak and potatoes for breakfast, and there would be the toast right along side, every morning like clockwork.  
And then Clint came up with the miraculous idea to name the toaster, and thus started the only peaceful civil war to ever happen.   
Clint first wrote down the word _Loafer_ on a spare piece of paper and put it next to the toaster, dubbing it Loafer for about a week, before Tony got bored with it, crossed out Loafer and wrote _Doughmer._ Only a couple days after that did Clint cross that one out, and write _Kneedle._ Tony seemed to like that one better as opposed to a type of shoe, so he let it sit for a couple days before retaliating with _Crumberland._ Clint thought that was even worse.   
This went on for a couple weeks, no one seemed to care. Bruce would walk in every couple days and catch them in the act, scribbling out the other's name and writing a new bread pun instead. Bruce supposed it was a good way for them to bond, if nothing else came out of it.  
Then Natasha decided to give it a shot.   
No one else saw her go into the room or come out, but the next morning, there was a blank piece of paper with only one word on it, and it was in Natasha's neat recognizable handwriting.   
 _Pops-a-lot._  
No one ever argued with it. Tony tried to bring it up once, but was silence when Clint slapped a hand over his mouth and quietly into his ear, said,  
"Don't. Don't do it. We lost this one, Nat got to name it and we're not messing with it. We're not having another prank war."   
Thor came up from visiting Jane in Texas to spend a couple weeks in Avengers tower before having to go back to Asgard. The first morning, he saw Clint go into the room, and emerge with a crisp slice of bread. No one else was in there, so he decided to check out what was in there. There was nothing else in the room, but a small table with a toaster, and shelves upon shelves of bread, nutella, peanut butter  (both smooth and crunchy), butter, margarine, multiple flavours of jams and jellies, and many other condiments. The thing that intrigued him, however, was the small piece of paper that was taped to the side of the toaster, that read in neat cursive, _Pops-a-lot._  
There were many questions that Thor had.   
Bruce was the first person he spotted on his way out of the room, Clint probably disappearing into the rafters or ceiling vents to enjoy his toast.   
"Bruce, my friend."  
Bruce heard those three words and sighed, preparing for the worst,  
"Why does the toaster have a paper that says Pops-a-lot on it? The toaster at Jane's residence does not have it. Is it a specific brand of toaster?"  
Bruce paused mid facepalm. He looked at Thor.   
"Tasha named the toaster."   
The bewildered look on Thor's face was 100% worth it. 


End file.
